it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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