they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
