No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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