Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
