Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
