Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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