how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
