This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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