This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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