I'm going to jail i love you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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