Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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