you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
