yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
