I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
