I understand Curling. That high.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
