The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
