I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need water and some morals
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
