No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
