I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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