my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
