I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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