i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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