ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
