I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
