Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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