Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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