Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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