I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
