then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
