...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
