On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
