I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
