remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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