Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
