Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
