i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
