Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
