She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
