you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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