all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
