Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
