It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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