I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize