Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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