Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
