The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
