wanna go halves on a baby?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
