My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize