I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
