eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
