Ketchup is God's man juice
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
