1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
