her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Too much gin, very little bucket
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
