I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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