I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
