this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
