were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
