I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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