You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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