He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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