Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
