youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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