The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
