I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
