I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm at about main and main street
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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