talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
