I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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