Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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