im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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