This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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