A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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