So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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