remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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