I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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