he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
