it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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