swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
