I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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