Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
